Sunday, 16 August 2009


"Why do you come up here if you don't like it? You've always been afraid..."

It's not fear. At least, it's not a fear of heights. You see, the stuff legends are made of have always been about invincibility. All gods are immortals, and so the mythologies of countless civilizations have honoured their vitality; Zeus never killed Kronos, as Kronos never killed Ouranos, as Atlas could not be seen to let go of life, instead suffering eternal punishment. And so the divine pursuit of infinity-ism is kept sacred in the imaginations of mortals.

I, too, am made of legends. I, too, am immortal. I feel it. It crawls on my skin, it bleeds in my gums, it tenses with my sinew, it shrieks in the night. It brings me up here, it runs through the very ground. When I gaze down, it calls me, dares me to come closer. It defies me, it wants to look me in the eye.

I am so tempted to look my essence in the eye and own it. But I am afraid; what if this feeling is an illusion? A trick, played by the gods seeking laughter and ridicule of a lowly mortal? Where has this divinity of mine come from, and why have I not seen it before? These poison thoughts cloud around me, and my breath catches; if I was immortal, why would I choke on these whimsical notions?

This is not a fear of heights. This is the fear of falling. But fear I shall no more. These are only the first steps.

"...What are you doing? God, stay away from the railing, PLEASE!"

No. The time for hesitation is gone. I must find out the truth. Until these voices go away, until I am mine...

"Look, CAN'T DO THIS!"

Watch me.

...Goodbye, my love.


So this is what it looks like when the ground is racing to meet you. The truth gives me vertigo. Wow. I wish you could've been here. Well, I mean, it's not safe for you, but this My eyes are screaming, my skin is unraveling, the wind (is it wind if I'm the one moving through it?) gives me clarity, and the rain's falling into the sky. I hear you up there, somewhere. You're shrieking. Calm, my love. This is not my fall. It is now the truth which cowers before me, as it will soon have to stand in plain sight of the world, shamed and unveiled for what it really is. It's almost here, I'll be able to reach out and touch. Almost there, almost, now is the moment of...


Aporia said...

Wow. Such brutality in a post, I loved it!

Zh. said...

that made me the dizziest i've ever been. well done.